Al anon dating
Everything has been going so great. Your mind is suddenly flooded with questions: Can this work? Is this even a good idea? How can I be a supportive partner? If you really care about this person there are ways to work through it together.
Dating in Recovery: It Works if You Work It
Go to Page Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. Aptor hours. I have finally had to become separated from my abusive alcoholic husband after many years and chances for him to stop the drinking once and for all. My real question right now is would I benefit from Al anon? I went once many years ago and had a terrible experience where one woman just blabbed the whole time and told me I wasn't supposed to talk Please give me some ideas I want to learn that I can have a romantic relationship with a man that isn't going to throw a fit all the time.
I have no problem with male friendships, but, once I think there could be a relationship I kind of freeze up. It is far to soon for any kind of relationship, but, I just know that this is my thought process I recommend Al Anon to anyone who got a bit off kilter dealing with an alcoholic. You may have been to a "speaker meeting. But, having attended Al Anon meetings around the country, I'm surprised you were told not to talk and not told what that meeting was and another member offering to speak with you after.
For some, the discipline of listening and not talking is a good exercise. If their life was pretty crazy, some can get in the habit of telling too much, too often, too soon. And it helps us to "get out of ourselves" to listen to someone else's story. If you are only separated, and granted I don't know you, but I agree with you about holding off on fretting about whether you will be able to date again. Take care of your business. Get the divorce behind you.
Heal up and grow before hooking up with anyone. If you've observed life, you may notice people who go from one relationship with an alcoholic to the next. There seems to be a higher risk of that when jumping back in to dating too soon. Originally Posted by branDcalf. Al-Anon is pretty rough pill to swallow in some cases, I agree. As in AA, there are some very inflexible people and, indeed, whole groups that keep to a very rigid approach to recovery.
But I think the general principles are quite sound, as in AA. These groups focus on breaking patterns of co-dependence and fear of abandonment in group members behavior and thinking. Both alcoholics and their "hostages" can benefit from both. I did not like Al-Anon, but I have spoken with many who benefited from it. It seems that different groups have different "personalities", so they recommend that if you aren't comfortable at one, try another.
I went after I had my now-ex husband removed from my home by the police. I thought it might help me sort things out. It was helpful in that I listened to all these people talking about someone who seemed to be the exact same person as my husband, and that made me realize that there was definitely a pattern to the alcoholic behavior--I wasn't imagining things if these other people had to hear the same "quacking" and lies and stories coming from their mother or son or wife or whomever as I heard from my husband.
All the alcoholics do and say the same things, more or less. But this particular Al-Anon group also made it known that I "shouldn't" be angry at the alcoholic because he's just got a lil' ol' disease and so I "shouldn't" feel upset about the bad things he did--I "should" be more understanding because after, he really can't help it. They were focused on how to live with the alcoholic while maintaining some sort of peaceful existence, while I was DONE. I was past the point of being understanding about his "disease" and trying to figure out how I could make life more peaceful with him there.
I was angry at the lengths he had gone to destroy our family and our life over his love of drinking and his preference for his friends on the barstools. I wanted him not there anymore. So, after about a month, I stopped going to Al-Anon. I did see a therapist, however, to help me work through MY issues as to why I let someone like that have so much control over my life and to learn not to let that happen again.
People who choose to remain in relationships with their alcoholics do seem to benefit greatly from Al-Anon. If u have a history of hooking up with drunks u r half the problem 12 step and counseling r a good thing. Well done on leaving your abusive relationship Aptor. I personally hated al-anon and wouldn't recommend it to anyone. I would however recommend one on one counselling with a Therapist who has experience in dealing with women who have been abused and are co-dependent.
It's much more helpful. Read as much as you can from a wide variety of sources on the subject. Here's the catch, if you date somone who drinks, he may have a problem he hasn't recognized or acknowledged. If he doesn't drink, he might be an alcoholic who's already in the program. Have fun figuring it out. Originally Posted by Djuna. Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Additional giveaways are planned. Detailed information about all U.
Posting Quick Reply - Please Wait. Search this Thread Advanced Search. Follow City-Data. Al anon or what dating, wife, how to, women. User Name. Remember Me. Advanced Search. View detailed profile Advanced or search site with. Page 1 of 3. Northern NH 4, posts, read 9,, times Reputation: Advertisements I have finally had to become separated from my abusive alcoholic husband after many years and chances for him to stop the drinking once and for all.
Originally Posted by branDcalf I recommend Al Anon to anyone who got a bit off kilter dealing with an alcoholic. Copenhagen, Denmark 9, posts, read 8,, times Reputation: Coastal New Jersey 51, posts, read 50,, times Reputation: So Cal 13, posts, read 10,, times Reputation: Originally Posted by Djuna Well done on leaving your abusive relationship Aptor.
City-Data Forum Message. Cancel Changes. Quick Reply. Tweets by LechMazur.
Al Anon, emotional availability & older men & women Page 1 of 2 (1, 2) So I started going to al-anon & I already go to OA. I went to Al-anon last nite & I told about my history w/ my crazy mother, my alcoholic ex hubby & dating unavailable men & one that I had a crush on in the. I've recently started dating someone and they told me the other night about being in Al Anon bc of a family member. We're in our 30s. Sounds.
The Al-Anon Family Groups are a fellowship of relatives and friends of alcoholics who share their experience, strength, and hope in order to solve their common problems. We believe alcoholism is a family illness and that changed attitudes can aid recovery. Al-Anon is not allied with any sect, denomination, political entity, organization, or institution; does not engage in any controversy; neither endorses nor opposes any cause. There are no dues for membership. Al-Anon is self-supporting through its own voluntary contributions.
While recovering addicts can make excellent companions, the one principle that should be followed without exception is —do not become involved with someone in recovery from substance abuse unless they have been clean and sober for at least one year.
Growing up amid alcoholism creates obvious psychological consequences. I refused.
Al-Anon Family Groups Meeting List
Thank you for being part of our community. To ensure the best possible experience for all members, we have established some basic guidelines for participation. By joining and using this community, you agree that you have read and will follow these rules and guidelines. You also agree to have discussions, share files, and provide information that is best for a virtual social community. This is a great way to get the advice of your peers, benefit from their experience, and participate in an ongoing conversation.
The Yes Woman: Why I’m searching for a sense of self at Al-Anon meetings
Subscribe To Friends and Family of Alcoholics. New here - dating recovering alcoholic, need help beyond Al-Anon. Hi all, One of my big frustrations with groups like Al-Anon is that they stubbornly don't provide any answers. I am asking for people with similar experiences to at least share what might have worked for them here. That said, I met a great guy about 4 months ago. He and I went out for coffee a few times and found we could relate easily. At some point, I started wondering why he couldn't or wouldn't take me out at night, and why he was always mysteriously "busy" in the evenings. Frankly, I thought I was being played around with or something until he told me he was in AA, had been sober for 20 months, and this was a big deal for him. Honestly, my reaction was that I felt like throwing up. I try to stay out of it now, and I have my own unresolved bad feelings around all of that I live miles away now and don't go home much.
Go to Page Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. Aptor hours.
New here - dating recovering alcoholic, need help (beyond Al-Anon)
I have been going to Alanon for about a year, and at first it helped a lot. It has got to the stage where I feel I am being emotionally blackmailed. If you have any advice, then it is. If not, then it is probably another warning about the dangers of putting your name on a phone list in Alanon. I was delighted to find your Website, and discover that there are other alternatives. I hope to spread the word here. You describe both a problem in AA and Alanon, and one in life generally. You could do this acting almost as a therapist: Has anyone else ever told you they had a similar problem with your behavior? This situation, of course, raises the specter of dating people you meet at AA or Alanon or related step meetings.
Code of Conduct
Welcome to Al-Anon in Kansas. Is Alateen for me? The Al-Anon Family Groups are a fellowship of relatives and friends of alcoholics who share their experience, strength, and hope, in order to solve their common problems. We believe alcoholism is a family illness, and that changed attitudes can aid recovery. Al-Anon is not allied with any sect, denomination, political entity, organization, or institution; does not engage in any controversy, neither endorses nor opposes any cause. There are no dues for membership.
How should I deal with a clinging man I met at a 12-step group?
Louis, concentrating in mental health, and a Master of Arts in social-organizational psychology from Columbia University. Currently, Butler is a freelance writer, penning articles focusing on mental health, healthy living and issues surrounding work-life balance. Alcoholism is a serious issue which has the capacity to affect your life if you date someone with this problem. A relationship with an alcoholic isn't impossible, but it does take a certain finesse. Learning how to navigate this disorder and how it affects romantic relationships gives you important tools which can be valuable whether your choose to continue your relationship or not. Deepen your understanding of the disease.
Step Work Board - A Step every month! It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level. A new step every month in the order they were written! Offline Posts: I'm a newbie to the board though almost two years in the program. I'm a single mom I'm in my 30s, my kid is a toddler and am soon to be divorced from my qualifier.
Al-Anon Family Groups: Newcomers and Members
Jim Jones from Jonestown, anyone? David Koresh from Waco Texas? And did you know Scientology is considered a religion in order to evade taxes? But a huge part of breaking my cycle-of-emotionally-abusive-relationships came from working step 3 of a Step program. They left me feeling guilty and disenfranchised. So I quit religion and everything that fell under its umbrella.
How to Date a Recovered Alcoholic
Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate. Then many other women commented on it too, talking about how they also had pined for the wrong man. If I was more emotionally available I would not engage in liking unavailable men. A normal man would have asked me out a while ago. My question is:Why Addicts Lie To The Ones They Love