Asking to hook up on tinder
Everybody keeps recommending Tinder, but isn't it just for casual hookups? Our resident love-in-Japan writer, Sara Who, answers your questions on everything from dating rules to finding a partner for love, marriage and more. Email it to editorial gplusmedia. A bit of background: I initially came to Japan on a working holiday visa with my boyfriend, but he ended up cheating on me with a coworker.
All rights reserved. Hooking up with someone new on Tinder can be so many things, often at the same time. It can be hot, fun, thrilling, embarrassing, rubbish and just plain weird. It's possible that you might have life-changing, unforgettable sex with a stranger you might never see again. And it's just as possible that you might end up staring at each other awkwardly after you or your no-strings-attached sex partner screamed out the ex's name, mid-act.
While there might be a mind-boggling range of potential conclusions to one's night of casual sex, and you can't ever account for all the contingencies, there are some ground rules you can cling to, to ensure you have your behind covered, in case things start to go south. Here are 6 things every decent adult should do before bumping uglies with someone new. This might seem like a no-brainer, but it really is possible to entirely miss something as ordinary as the last name of the person you hook up with.
Knowing at least the basic identifying details of the people you're planning to sleep with is non-negotiable for so many reasons, not least of all being safety. Sure, googling someone before meeting them might diminish the fun of discovery, but it's not a bad trade-off, compared to the peace of mind that comes with knowing that your date is not an axe murderer. In today's day and age, it's almost impossible not to have some kind of a digital footprint, and if you find that your Tinder date doesn't have one, it should definitely give you pause.
Same goes for people who are cagey about sharing any identifying details. People who hide usually have stuff that needs to be hidden. Highly avoidable. Even if it's just a hookup, and the bar for casual sex is generally lower than other equations, you still don't want to find yourself in bed with a weirdo. It's true that you might never see them again after that one night, but you still don't want to feel regret every time you think about that time.
I don't know how this isn't a bigger deal for us. I have never heard of anyone ever asking the people they hook up with about sexually transmitted infections STIs and frankly, it's appalling. Periodically screening for STIs is basic health hygiene for even those who are in monogamous relationships, but it is absolutely imperative for those who have multiple partners. How the person you're hooking up with reacts to the question of STIs is also a great window into how their mind works.
Bolt, if you find yourself with someone who is offended or dismissive of the question. Before you jump into bed with someone new, pause to find out what sex means to them. Sometimes, it will mean more to one or the other party. Casual sex is fun only when both parties know exactly what to expect are on board with the no-strings-attached plan. Take the trouble to find out, because it is all too easy to be on completely different pages about this.
If you find yourself with someone who thinks of it as a stepping stone to a relationship or tender feelings of some sort, do the decent thing and walk away before they get hurt. And don't sleep with someone who you know thinks of sex as a more intimate act than you do — because you're using them, regardless of what you tell yourself to justify it. When you're honest, it's possible you might not get laid as often as you like, but at least when you do, you won't feel like a manipulative prick.
If you're old enough to hook up, you're old enough to take responsibility for it. The morning after will be at least a little bit awkward when you wake up in bed with someone you barely know. So don't make it infinitely worse by blaming the alcohol for the "poor decision" or the "big mistake". Most of the time, it isn't true, but even if it is , do everyone a favour and save your guilt for later, when you're alone. Waking up to a person wracked with regret is one of the most unappealing things that can happen, post hook-up.
Don't be that person. And if you're really so bad at holding your alcohol, entrust a friend with the responsibility of making sure you sleep in your own bed while you're too wasted to make sex decisions for yourself. Don't be the douchebag who cheats on their partner with someone who is sleeping with you in good faith. Even if it is just a one-night stand, you owe them the information. Whether you're in an open relationship, aren't exclusive, figuring things out, separating, or whatever other permutation and combination of complicated relationships you're in, they have a right to know and make the decision to sleep with you or not once they are in possession of all the facts.
Maybe they will, maybe they won't, but sleeping with someone under false pretences is a terrible thing to do. Get our top news delivered to your inbox every morning, Monday to Friday. Newsletters may offer personalized content or advertisements. Learn more. All Sections. Also on HuffPost. Sex Tips For Fall. Suggest a correction. Sonali Kokra Lifestyle Editor.
For most guys, Hooking Up Tinder is a constant game of swiping so I can pick it up with some information about you, and ask you about it. I'm a girl and a pretty hardcore feminist and 99% of my Tinder matches have been really nice. I was 27 How can I politely ask my Tinder match if he/she would like to have sex? Is this answer still relevant and up to date?.
AskMen may get paid if you click a link in this article and buy a product or service. Tinder has become one of the best places for people looking to date, hook up, find a long-term relationship, or simply see what kind of interesting people might be in their area. Online dating sites have been waning in favor of dating apps for some time now, and Tinder has cornered such a large portion of the dating app market that. The first question on the minds of plenty of guys is, "Does this thing even work!? There is some confusion about what Tinder is even for.
For many of us, Tinder is just about fucking, but not for everyone.
I am 37, a single mom and am looking to find someone , but not a boyfriend. After years of slowly losing my mojo and sexual confidence, I am slowly rediscovering my drives and desires and now want to find someone to explore that with.
Ask Sara: Is Tinder in Japan Just for Hooking Up?
Any woman who's used any kind of dating app has been confronted with this most bemusing question, posed by what we can only imagine are men who have had wood for so dangerously long they've begun to experience brain death. I'm talking about messaging exchanges that go something like this:. Not even Dikembe Motumbo! Don't be a mortifying glandular spaz. But also don't give up on enjoying casual, consensual, enjoyable sex with the help of your smartphone. The good news:
I want a casual hookup, not a relationship – how do I say that on Tinder?
Click below to download the free Date-Talk Cheat Pack that includes some amazing openers for you to use: Click to Download Now. I call it the common strategy. The suggestion for the date should flow smoothly from conversation, with an air of acceptance that the first date is a given between the two of you and incorporating a hint of humor. For my favorite lines that do a great job of describing a fun, flirty and intimate date, download the free Date-Talk Cheat Pack click below. Whether you want a Tinder hookup, a date with a relationship in mind, or countless nights of Tinder sex, the date-talk method is still the same. For specific examples of descriptions that you can use for intimate dates, download our free Date-Talk Cheat-Pack click below. There is endless opportunity for fun and casual hookups on Tinder. But in any point in time, there will be fewer girls who are freely open and comfortable with having sex with a stranger from Tinder on the first meeting , compared to second or subsequent dates. So all you need to say is something like:.
Tinder lets users upload pictures from their Facebook profile and also adds a snippet of information from their profile as well. The week before that, I met five girls from tinder and hooked up with one.
From the first message to the first date, this article is going to cover hooking up and how to make it a regular story. There can be problems with both of these. Girls, as much as they hate to admit it, love compliments and with good reason. When we receive compliments endorphins are released by the brain, the more endorphins you can release the better the association with you will be.
Do Guys On Tinder Want Relationships? I Asked My Matches To Get Really Honest
There I was, on a casual Friday night spent in my hometown, swiping on Tinder for the sole enjoyment of seeing people from high school and judging their profiles. Yet, when I got an unsurprising message of someone asking for a casual meet-up for sex, I kind of exploded on him. I don't know why I felt the need to ask this random person all the questions I had about the male mind. Maybe because I was only home for 12 hours and already was going insane out of boredom. Maybe it was because everything I asked him was just so relevant. I am not going to focus too much on my motives here, as there will never be a satisfying explanation. Regardless of why I wanted to, I did it anyway, and he was a good sport. Before reading any further, though, I still would like to remind everyone, including myself, that this is just one person's opinions, and no one can speak for every user of the app. I know a lot of people who have actually found love on Tinder. However, I do feel that what he responds with is actually a common mindset for a range of users.
Forget Tinder, professionals are using LinkedIn to hook up
AskMen may get paid if you click a link in this article and buy a product or service. Endlessly messaging back and forth on Tinder without getting anywhere? Going on dates, but things just don't click? During his interviews for the study, co-author Martin Daubney said he met a few guys who were tired of Tinder. Not because dating sucks these days and it's hard to connect, but because it's too damn easy.
What happens when you message all your Tinder matches asking if they’re DTF?
All rights reserved. Hooking up with someone new on Tinder can be so many things, often at the same time. It can be hot, fun, thrilling, embarrassing, rubbish and just plain weird. It's possible that you might have life-changing, unforgettable sex with a stranger you might never see again. And it's just as possible that you might end up staring at each other awkwardly after you or your no-strings-attached sex partner screamed out the ex's name, mid-act. While there might be a mind-boggling range of potential conclusions to one's night of casual sex, and you can't ever account for all the contingencies, there are some ground rules you can cling to, to ensure you have your behind covered, in case things start to go south.
How to Master the Tinder Sex-Trawl (and Still Be Gentlemanly)
Dating would be so much simpler if everyone was open about what they really want. You would never apply for a job without knowing up front if it's full-time with benefits or just a freelance gig on the side — so why should you approach dating any differently? Today, I experimented with asking guys on Tinder if they want relationships or casual sex. I hoped it would help me avoid wasting time talking to people who didn't share my goals. So much of the stress and heartache that can come along with dating could be avoided if we were all honest with each other from the beginning. Right now, I'm looking for something serious-ish.
So I messaged him. He replied after a few minutes. And our conversation started. His name was James. The James who always does everything just effortlessly, ambivalently enough to keep you guessing and sticking around for more. The troubled James. The emotionally unavailable James who is never not in a weird phase in life.
It can be kind of tough to gauge somebody's true intentions on Tinder. If you know what you're looking for, that's great. Maybe that last one-night stand left you feeling empty and unfulfilled, and you're looking for a more consistent hookup. Maybe you're looking for someone to steadily date on a casual basis, or maybe you're actually looking to meet your next long-term boo. Meeting at a bar or inviting you straight over to his place? This question can obviously be taken more than one way. Without putting yourself out there too much, it is definitely a good Rorschach test to see where his mind is at.How To Hookup on Tinder Dating Tips - Ask JT Tran (feat Hayley Quinn)