Dating a guy who has been hurt before

Feminine socialization emphasizes personal communication, and, consequently, the oft-termed "fairer sex" is generally perceived as being more emotional. However, that does not mean that men are incapable of being emotionally hurt. Because masculine communication tendencies are different, communicating with an emotionally hurt man requires different tactics than communicating with an emotionally hurt woman. These tactics, rarely covered in mainstream conversation as a result of stereotypical perceptions of masculine strength, can help break through the barriers built in the wake of emotional pain.

5 Amazing Tips On How To Date An Emotionally Damaged Man

Karen Koenig. Erica Komisar. Alyssa Mairanz. Sharon Craig. Nancy Harris. Nada Hogan. Lisa Angelini. Emyrald Sinclaire. Margalis Fjelstad. Ivy Griffin. Sally LeBoy. Take a couple deep breaths. Remind yourself not to start predicting the future. Also, remind yourself that you bring your own past experiences—good, bad and in-between—to this new relationship too. As you and your new guy get to know each other better, you can ask about his past experiences and really, genuinely listen.

Ask what he really enjoyed in his past relationships. If you feel any of your own jealousy pop up as you talk, that can be natural. Ivy Griffin , MA. Which different is good, as long as we are aware and learn from the things we have been through right? First of all your awareness: If you hear his story and understand it then learn to be sensitive to that.

Share your phone and be open and vulnerable with him, build the trust. His awareness: He can then share this with you and you both can work this out together as a team. You and him against the trigger, not the other way around. With honesty, compassion and patience. First things first, if you man is unwilling to communicate about past pains and is unwilling to move beyond the hurt i.

This man is not emotionally available to be in a new relationship. A couple of communication tips that can really help when having a talk about sensitive topics. Instead, when you know something is going to be a sensitive topic, you ask permission to bring it up. Would you like it if you partner bombarded you with a we need to talk and we need to talk right now? No, you would not. And you would most likely be defensive and upset and not open to having a honest and loving conversation.

Honey, I want to talk to you about something sensitive but important to our relationship. Is now a good time or perhaps later before we go to bed? This gives the man time to prepare mentally and emotionally for a sensitive and potentially triggering topic. How about tomorrow over dinner? As women, we like to think we have all the answers and that we know when our partner is upset. Am I right?

This puts the responsibility on you for how you perceive him to feel. When he does finally open up about his feelings, listen. Men are action oriented. So, when you switch gears and talk about solutions and actions, it gets his rational side going and into solution-mode. Other questions you can ask that always helps when talking about sensitive subjects are along these lines: How can I help?

Do you want me to listen without answering? Do you want my opinion? Do you want a solution to your problem? Do you just need a shoulder to cry on? Ladies, am I right? Sometimes just asking someone what they need and how you can support them best is exactly the right step to take. How you respond NOW will set the stage for the rest of your relationship. And you want it to be a long one, right? If your boyfriend has suffered a bad breakup or has a history of loss it can impact his ability to be intimate with you or to sustain the intimacy.

That might exhibit itself in him pulling away intermittently, having mood swings and seeming depressed at times. It may also result in him pushing you away or trying to sabotage the relationship in any number of ways. Fear of loss or abandonment can cause your fellow to behave in a way which prevents connection so there is nothing to lose, or to sabotage the connection so he can control the loss and is not dependent upon you.

Open communication is the key to success in all relationships, empathy, insight and reflection are critical if you are going to survive and succeed with a traumatized guy. Too many losses, particularly early ones such as being the child of a divorce, abandonment by one or both parents, neglect or abuse by a parent or narcissism in a one or both parents is a very painful experience for a man. Research shows that boys are even more sensitive to stress, loss, neglect and trauma than girls.

This means that they can become even more depressed, anxious and disconnected from attachment disorders early on. This carries over into adolescence and adulthood and is more difficult to deal with when it has existed for so many years untreated. Neurotic repetition means that we seek similar situations to the ones that caused us pain early on in life. We literally repeat the pain to try to find a different ending and because the pain is familiar.

Your guy who has suffered many losses may try to recreate that loss with you. Acknowledge the fears your guy faces and show empathy for his feelings even if it is difficult because you are also scared. Take one day at a time rather than project too far into the future and try to get him to do the same. So as much as possible stay in the present together while acknowledging both of your fears of the future.

Reassure him of your intentions and your feelings for him often. Be preventative by talking to him about what you see with him before he gets too deeply into a depression. If his fears take the form of needing more space, give him the space and find that emotionally secure place in yourself which allows you to do so.

But if he disappears for too long a period of time or it is too chronic then confront him or follow him to reassure him and hear how he is feeling. When a human or animal has been hurt they will be shy of attachment and commitment and even slow to attach. But when they do attach it is usually for the long haul. This is certainly no different when it comes to men.

Depending on the level of trauma and his emotional skills, he may or may not be over his past. This is applicable to anyone. However, men generally process and communicate differently than women. Most men need time to think things through, in order to get in touch with the emotions that are underneath, while most women are more in touch with their emotions. If he is not resolved with his past, he may have issues with self- esteem, trusting others, and trusting his own perceptions.

He may at times seem detached and not as committed as you are. This may or may not be true. The only way to find out is to ask, but you must have patience in your approach. For most women, this is very difficult, especially if you are being emotionally triggered by his withdrawal. You may want to know the answers right away, and appear clingy and insistent. Give him space - Women tend to want to help and fix.

He needs space to work out his feelings and emotions. Take it slow - Trust is built over time. Instantaneous trust may be indicative of a problem with boundaries for both of you, so give it time. It is necessary to have healing time and not fill the void with someone else. Do express your concern - Observe the behavior without being emotionally attached.

Would you like to talk about it? It is important to not change yourself - Do not walk on eggshells or change your behavior in attempt to make him feel better or effect a more desirable outcome. If you do this, you will begin to lose pieces of yourself and ultimately become unhappy with him, yourself and the relationship.

You must be an equal partner and both of your needs must be met in a healthy way. Self-care - Be sure you are taking care of yourself and have your own friends, hobbies and interests. This is not only unhealthy but puts unnecessary stress on the relationship. Professional help - He may need professional help to resolve the past trauma if he is consistently in a place of withdrawal and avoidance. Eventually, this will kill the relationship and you deserve to be with a partner who can fully engage with you.

Here are some simple ways to please your guy if he has difficulty So they don't get attached so easily and they don't let other people in their life before getting to know them well. Emotionally damaged men have been hurt. If you find yourself dating someone with a guarded heart, understand that: Unfortunately, having been hurt in the past has led us to be untrusting of quiet during a date, we just want to get to know you before opening up about ourselves .

However, getting hurt one too many times can destroy your desire for a relationship. In fact, it can be a real downer. We worry about getting cheating on.

Classifying people who have "been hurt" regarding anything to do with dating or love or other people is asinine. We've all been there — most of us are still there to some degree, and to pretend that anybody isn't or that there are some people more affected than others is counterproductive altogether.

What does it mean to be an emotionally damaged man? How do men become emotionally damaged?

4 Things You Need To Realize Before You Date Someone Who Has Been Hurt Before

Trust is one of the foundations for all healthy relationships. It's especially important that trust be established at the start of a new relationship. Trust, or the lack thereof, will most likely make or break the relationship. Let's be honest: We all come with baggage some more than others , and trust may be an issue for some, if not many.

7 Things You Need To Understand About Dating Someone Who's Broken

Karen Koenig. Erica Komisar. Alyssa Mairanz. Sharon Craig. Nancy Harris. Nada Hogan. Lisa Angelini. Emyrald Sinclaire.

Anyone who has been in a toxic relationship knows the after effect is what people struggle with the most. You are going to notice how nervous they are.

You can tell those who've been through the relationship journey before. To them, you're the same old song. The more polite you are the more evil your intentions seem.

How to Communicate to a Man Who Has Been Hurt Emotionally

Girls who have been hurt before are hesitant to enter relationships. They would rather stay single so there is zero chance of disappointment. It could have been months ago or years ago. The pain lingers for a long time when there is an absence of closure. Girls who have been hurt before keep a barrier up between them and the rest of the world. They want to keep everyone at a distance. They want to protect themselves and they do that by isolating themselves. Girls who have been hurt before ignore the voice inside of their head that secretly wants a relationship. Girls who have been hurt before are careful. They keep their eyes open for red flags. If you show the slightest signs of toxicity, they are going to notice and walk away before the relationships gets more serious.

Why Dating Someone Who's Been Hurt Before Is Worth the Effort


Why Dating Someone Who's Been Hurt Before Is Worth the Effort


5 Amazing Tips On How To Date An Emotionally Damaged Man


How to Communicate to a Man Who Has Been Hurt Emotionally


The Way Girls Who Have Been Hurt Before Pick Their Person


7 Red Flags In Dating You Should NEVER Ignore
Related publications