Cracked internet dating

Cracked internet dating

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Online Dating Profiles: Translated [CHART]

Thanks for connecting! You're almost done. Connect to your existing Cracked account if you have one or create a new Cracked username. As a child of the Internet and confirmed weirdo, imagine my relief when they finally took that last bastion of in-person awkwardness -- dating -- to my laptop instead. I've been using one of the major dating sites, OkCupid, on and off for about five years now. While it has its perks, being a woman on a dating site means immersing yourself in a disgusting cesspool of exposed nerves, unfiltered testosterone, and daily propositions to engage in sex acts so horrifying, I hadn't even heard of them before, and I'm from the Internet.

I got the feeling that a lot of men on that site would message literally any woman who had a profile, but the optimist in me wanted to believe that there was a limit. Maybe there was a woman so awful, so toxic, so irredeemably unlikeable that no one would message her, or if they did, at least they would realize they never, ever wanted to meet her. So I made the OkCupid profile of the Worst Woman on Earth, hoping to prove that there exists an online dating profile so loathsome that no man would message it.

In making this profile, I made sure my creation touched on every major facet of being truly horrible: I maintain that there is not a human on this planet who would read this profile and think, "Yes, I'd like to spend any amount of the fleeting time I'm given on my journey around the sun getting to know this person. Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair:.

My wonderful friend Rae agreed to let me use some of her Facebook photos for this profile. Only that last bit is relevant here, I guess. I figured any profile with photos of a beautiful woman would get a few messages from men whose boners were willing to overlook her personality. The captions on her photos were just as draped in red flags as her profile was, so there's no way they were totally clueless as to how awful she is, but sure, I figured, maybe she'd get a couple of messages a day from people with especially low reading comprehension.

OK, I thought, pouring myself a stiff drink as I prepared to sift through these messages from actual, living men with functioning central nervous systems. Maybe none of them read her profile, or maybe they thought that she was fun-crazy instead of actually-ruin-your-life crazy. I just had to convince them that she was the latter. My new goal was to get these men to stop messaging her back.

I was going to make AaronCarterFan come across as so abhorrent that not even the kinds of dudes who comment on YouPorn videos would respond to her. Want to guess how well that worked? I'll give you a hint: I'm confiscating everyone's penis until further notice. These messages are natural extensions of her profile, confirmation that you do not, I repeat, do not want to know this woman. OK, I get it. These men don't care about her personality; there is no lower limit to how deeply repulsive she can be on the inside, as long as she's hot.

It's a bitter pill to swallow, sure, but I guess that's how it is. But what if meeting her would have clear, lasting consequences? What if there was no such thing as a one-night stand with her? What if the effects of coming into contact with this woman were devastating and permanent? I'll level with you, readers: This wasn't so much a tactic as it was a result of the mental and emotional toll this social experiment was taking on me. After reading messages from men who apparently had just slapped their semi-erect penis on their keyboard a few times and pressed "send," my already flimsy grasp on reality was loosening.

Preparing response strategies and putting words into a coherent order wasn't an option for me anymore, so I decided to turn that into its own strategy. I'd tried mean-crazy, I'd tried life-destroying-crazy; I might as well try crazy-crazy. There are any number of cynical conclusions I could draw from the results of this experiment. For example, I could extrapolate from my data that men have been so deeply socialized to value women solely on their appearance that many of them seem unable to take any other aspect of who she is, such as intelligence or capacity for self-reflection or suffocating douchiness, into account.

Or I could follow my first instinct as these messages began to roll in, which was to invest in a high-quality chastity belt and start collecting cats. But rather than follow these results into the darkness, I'll stay optimistic and instead offer an impassioned plea. Men of the world: You are better than this. I know many of you would never message AaronCarterFan, but many of you would, and a whole bunch of you did. You're better than that. There are women and men out there who are smart, and kind, and challenging, and honest, and a lot of other really positive adjectives.

You don't want someone who will pull out your teeth and then sue you for child support; you deserve someone who will make you want to be better than you are, and will want to be better because of you. You deserve happiness, and love, and adventure. Be brave. Don't settle. Figure out how to be happy with who you are and then look for someone who makes your great life even better. And most importantly as became my mantra every time I checked her inbox:.

You can follow Alli Reed on twitter or visit her website. Always on the go but can't get enough of Cracked? We have an Android app and iOS reader for you to pick from so you never miss another article. Are you a fan of money, everlasting glory, but really just money? We want to give you that! Particularly the money part. Also on Cracked: Even if these guys were somehow able to meet with an imaginary, digital woman, science bets they probably couldn't seal the deal anyway.

But let's face it, their just trying to endorse their bachelorhood , which is their first problem. Maybe they should try more red in their wardrobe to better their odds. This movie contains more darkness per square inch than a baby's foot found in an Arby's Smokehouse Brisket sandwich. A bunch of popular status symbols no longer make sense Don't make me do this again. Don't have an account? Continue as Guest. Please enter a Username. I agree to the Terms of Service. Add me to the weekly newsletter.

Add me to the daily newsletter. Create Account. Link Existing Cracked Account. Create New Account. Use My Facebook Avatar. Add me to the weekly Newsletter. I am Awesome! Photoplasty Photoplasty. Pictofact Pictofacts. Google Plus. Stumble Upon. Add to Favorites. Continue Reading Below. The Profile In making this profile, I made sure my creation touched on every major facet of being truly horrible: Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair: The Messages I figured any profile with photos of a beautiful woman would get a few messages from men whose boners were willing to overlook her personality.

Response Tactic 1: Response Tactic 2: Response Tactic 3: Utter Nonsense I'll level with you, readers: Conclusions There are any number of cynical conclusions I could draw from the results of this experiment. Recommended For Your Pleasure. To turn on reply notifications, click here.

So you've set up your online dating profile, answered 66, of those ancillary compatibility questions, and received exactly zero messages. Online dating, despite all the success stories, can still be a pretty dicey thing.

Thanks for connecting! You're almost done. Connect to your existing Cracked account if you have one or create a new Cracked username. So you've set up your online dating profile, answered 66, of those ancillary compatibility questions, and received exactly zero messages from others -- so what's the deal?! Why is no one attracted to you?

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Why Dating Websites Are Ruining Dating

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What the 13 Most Popular Dating Sites Are Actually For

When you look in the mirror, I strongly hope you still see human flesh, because that may not last for long. At the current rate that electronics are advancing, we may end up being part robot in a matter of years… Thank you creepy Google Glass. A lot. I am a homebody. End of story. I spend my Friday nights and mainly every other night watching Netflix, curled in a ball, and ordering delivery. I own grey bowling shoes, I have more candles than friends, and most of my clothes cover every inch of my body. This is all fun and games until I realize that every night, I do these things by my lonesome. OkCupid for the hipsters, Tinder for the impatient straight person, Grindr for the sexually ambiguous person, JDate for the specifically Jewish lover, JSwipe for the Jewish lover in a hurry, SeniorPeopleMeet for the wise, PlentyOfFish for those searching in a pond, and so many more ridiculously specific and secluding dating sites.

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The 7 Most Popular Lies to Tell in Online Dating Profiles

Think you got what it takes to write for Cracked. Then submit an article or some other pieces of content. Cracked only offers comment voting to subscribing members. Subscribers also have access to loads of hidden content. Join now and wield the awesome power of the thumb. If you're already an awesome Cracked subscriber, click here to login. Online dating is the romantic equivalent of eating at Denny's: There's a menu full of tantalizing photos and enticing descriptions, but that Grand Slam breakfast never looks quite as good when it's sitting in front of you. Obviously, people exercise plenty of factual calisthenics in their online profiles. And just because Denny's menus may show you a more appetizing photograph doesn't mean you should stop eating there.

The 7 Most Popular Lies to Tell in Online Dating Profiles

Thanks for connecting! You're almost done. Connect to your existing Cracked account if you have one or create a new Cracked username. As a child of the Internet and confirmed weirdo, imagine my relief when they finally took that last bastion of in-person awkwardness -- dating -- to my laptop instead. I've been using one of the major dating sites, OkCupid, on and off for about five years now. While it has its perks, being a woman on a dating site means immersing yourself in a disgusting cesspool of exposed nerves, unfiltered testosterone, and daily propositions to engage in sex acts so horrifying, I hadn't even heard of them before, and I'm from the Internet.

Think you got what it takes to write for Cracked. Then submit an article or some other pieces of content. Cracked only offers comment voting to subscribing members. Subscribers also have access to loads of hidden content. Join now and wield the awesome power of the thumb. If you're already an awesome Cracked subscriber, click here to login. Your Name.

False advertising, or misrepresentation, is standard in any marketplace; the dating market is no different. While American dating sites have taken a laissez faire approach to lying, Asian dating sites have implemented serious measures to keep users honest. So Jiayuan developed a means for people to verify the claims they make on their profiles. Users can provide documents to the site, such as government-issued ID cards and paychecks, to back up their claims. Those willing to pay additional fees can have an in-person interview that gives a higher verification rating on the site. Similarly, a large dating site in South Korea, KoreanCupid.

Thanks for connecting! You're almost done. Connect to your existing Cracked account if you have one or create a new Cracked username. This may come as a surprise to no one, but I've been in the online dating world long enough for my OkCupid profile to have started first grade this coming fall. In that time, I've only gone on a handful of dates -- literally less than 10 dates from more than five years of online dating.

Thanks for connecting! You're almost done. Connect to your existing Cracked account if you have one or create a new Cracked username. Cracked pays people to make smart memes. Visit the Photoplasty and Pictofacts Workshop to get in on it. Romance is complicated, and despite all our interconnectedness, it's harder than ever to meet somebody.

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