Hard dating a doctor

Hard dating a doctor

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What You Need To Know If You’re BF’s A Doc

Welcome to TwoXChromosomes, a subreddit for both serious and silly content, and intended for women's perspectives. No hatred, bigotry, assholery, misogyny, misandry, transphobia, homophobia, racism or otherwise disrespectful commentary. Please follow reddiquette. No drama-inducing crossposting of content found in other subreddits, or vice versa. Likewise, posts found to direct odious influxes here may be removed. No tactless posts generalizing gender.

We are a welcoming community. Rights of all genders are supported here. Please submit content that is relevant to our experiences as women, for women, or about women. No fundraising, please. This includes both asking and offering assistance. As a community, we're not set up for screening each funding request [more]. Anyone with experience dating a doctor or another insanely busy person? Should I jump ship? Hi ladies, I'm looking for some advice.

If you have dated a doctor or other abnormally busy person or are in the medical profession yourself that would be particularly helpful, but I'll gladly take any words of wisdom. I'm dating a lovely guy who is in his first year of medical residency. We've been going on dates and acting somewhat "couple-ish" for a few months but haven't assigned any labels to our relationship.

We get along exceptionally well and I really like him though, so I can see this going somewhere. However, we rarely ever see each other and don't talk that much in between. He blames this on his hours for residency, and to be fair they are really long and insane. Many hour days and sometimes 10 days straight without a day off. I have a fairly business profession, but a lot of other stuff going on most weeknights. I'm busier than many people my age, but not as much as he is.

I am very understanding about it and I'm fine with retaining some independence, especially at this stage in dating. But I have no idea how much of his lack of contact is actually due to him being busy or if that's just an excuse to not commit. I feel like I make a lot of sacrifices to see him and try to make it as convenient as possible for him, which means planning ahead and changing my schedule around sometimes.

But I don't know that he does the same for me. I am often kind of waiting around until the last minute for him to contact me and let me know when he's free or I have to pursue him, which doesn't make me feel like he's very into me. Our relationship also hasn't really progressed-- we're still only spending the same amount of time together that we were a few months ago.

I hate that it's all on his terms. It's a gross feeling. This spotty attention from him makes me sure I want to end things sometime. But then when we do spend time together I have an absolute blast and everything just goes so well that I end up liking him even more. It also seems like he's into it based on how he acts around me and the things he says. And to be fair, he always does contact me to see each other eventually So while some of his behavior makes me question stuff, other times I feel like this is just a phase due to his residency and maybe this is worth hanging on for down the road.

So I'm wondering if things will ever change or if this is just one of the drawbacks of dating a doctor? I know residency is particularly bad, but what about when he finishes that? How do you maintain a healthy balance with relationships and work when your partner has a more demanding profession than you? Are the sacrifices you make for your partner worth it, and do you have any tips for making it work?

I haven't talked to him about it yet because I was hoping things would change once we dated for awhile and his feelings for me deepened. I also didn't want to push him away by overwhelming him with talks about commitment when he's already stressed. This is starting to upset me though and I'm tired of waiting for change, so how should I approach the conversation?

Is it fair for me to ask him to put more time and effort into our relationship? Or is this pretty standard behavior for a busy person in his position Just a heads up from someone in the medical field, the experience of residency will own them until the end of it. They don't have any time. If it were me, I would be flattered they had that much time to spend on me. I would also say that this is the most stressful point in their lives. They get hazed, they get questioned all the time, they don't get sleep, they have people's lives in their hands and have to struggle to be confident in what they know, but not too egotistical to kill someone Give him the benefit of the doubt and some space.

After residency, depending on what specialty they do, there will be a separate set of rules of how they have to give their time oncall, early surgery times, working holidays etc. But honestly, after putting so much time and money into something, not doing their absolute best and putting time and effort into it just isn't something people are apt to do even if they do like you If you can't be cool with getting what you can get now, I would consider there are plenty of things that might not change setting them loose.

However, "medical families" can work. They require a healthy dose of flexibility, nontraditional expectations, and teamwork You aren't always gonna have a Christmas etc I can understand it would be hard to understand the cues you are getting if you have no basis for that lifestyle, but really think it over. What this guy needs is support and understanding Maybe you didn't intend it this way, but it sounds like you're assuming I'm not already giving him the benefit of the doubt, space, support, and understanding.

I am giving him all of those things. I never pressure him to spend time with me. We see each other about once every ten days, or times a week at most when his schedule is lighter. I do not text or call him frequently-- I'll send him the occasional message, but generally I let him initiate contact and dictate the pace. We will occasionally go as long as days without talking at all, and when we do sometimes we go a full day between responding to each other's texts.

I never give him shit for it. I give input into our activities for dates, and this works out well since we're very compatible and like spending leisure time the same way. But I ultimately leave it to him most times. If he's too tired from work to go to a party that we both wanted to go to, then I'm cool with staying in since I just enjoy his company and am happy to finally be seeing him. So we'll drink the beer I brought over and I give him a back massage and go down on him luckily he does return the favor in terms of physical stuff when he 's less tired and we have amazing sex.

But my struggle is with whether or not he is willing to give anything with sacrifice and commitment, and how much of this has to do with me vs. For instance, I am okay with the us not seeing each other very often part. But can't he send me a text just once a day or every few days to let me know he's thinking of me? Or when I get up at 5: So far I have not brought up any of this with him because I'm trying to offer all of that support and space you mentioned and I wanted to give him the chance to do it himself.

I figured he may still be finding his feet in his residency and as we grow closer, he might start putting in more effort. I also just care about him enough and admire his reasons for becoming a doctor that I'm willing to make sacrifices so that his life is easier. But I'm trying to determine how much of that behavior is truly down to his profession, and how much of it is him not being very into me or just selfish and unwilling to compromise even if that selfishness is a byproduct of his residency, and not how he would be in other circumstances.

So I'm wondering Or am I just being a pushover and need to demand a little more if he wants to keep seeing me? As someone starting residency next year and whose father and brother went through it, and whose girlfriend is about to start it I have to say that you can't be mad at him for not sacrificing something to spend time with you - there is literally nothing else to sacrifice; residency is called residency because the doctors used to live in the hospitals, and it was akin to monks in monastery.

In any case; I can assure you from your post that he doesn't sound like he's being selfish; the behavior does sound like its residency related and not selfishness related. Hey, thanks for the info! He doesn't like to complain or talk about work too much when we're together so it really helps to hear from another resident just how crazy it is. Do you and your girlfriend have any kind of plan for how you're going to manage your relationship while you're both in residency? What do you think is a reasonable expectation for how much time you will spend together, how often you will talk, etc.?

To be honest; we're not couples matching pretty disparate specialties not conducive to couples matching but we're matching by geography, so I guess we'll have to wait and see if we're still together after the match: Ah gotcha. Well I guess you can always ask him for a little clarification etc. Nothing beats a face to face talk. I had this issue with my husband and I had to straight out tell him what I needed because he had no clue.

He might just be unpracticed at your "love language". Yeah, I think we need to have that talk I've been putting off. It will help to come in armed with everything I'm learning from the different perspectives on here though. Thanks for the help. Did you ask him to drop you off and he refused, or were you hoping he'd think of it himself? If it's the former I'm more inclined to think he's being self-centered in your relationship.

If it's the latter then you may need to be more direct and take initiative. Why not ask him where he wants the relationship to go?

It has often been observed that people love dating a doctor. to have a secured future and because of all the noble deeds, it is kind of hard not to notice them. However, there are certain challenges that come with dating a medical professional. Spending time together can be difficult as doctors.

As doctors are intelligent and often passionate about their work, dating a doctor can be a wonderful experience. However, there are certain challenges that come with dating a medical professional. Spending time together can be difficult as doctors schedules are erratic. Try to be understanding that their plans will often change.

They say that an apple a day keeps the doctor away. But a good-looking doctor keeps the apple away.

I remember being at some random party in university, holding a beer and looking at the throngs of people around me who were drunk and stumbling. The average debt of a med school graduate is about , USD , which normally takes up to 30 years to pay off and consequentially amounts to around , USD of total debt with accrued interest added in.

What it’s Like Dating a Doctor

You're sick with the flu? Literally anything? He's gotchu. He wants to take care of you and your problems. It's in his blood.

Four Things to Know When Dating a Doctor

We had a date planned. I was going to wear a red dress; a nice break from unisex sky blue scrubs. He planned to take me out to the House of Blues in Chicago. I had never been and was excited to go. After all, a trustworthy recently engaged friend set us up. She believed if nothing was done, my ovaries and its follicles would magically dry up. That my youthfulness and its potentially bright family oriented future would not occur. Dating a doctor can be hard. We are often gone, away within the walls of healthcare facilities for consecutive hours at a time. This is worse during years of training and when it comes to interpersonal relationships it can be misinterpreted for lack of commitment, prioritization or no love interest.

The toughest part of dating a doctor would be how they're always 45 mins late for dates because the 7 dates they had before yours went long. Because your OH is often short on time, it makes more sense for you to plan your holidays, dates, and meals.

By chance I've been with 3 different doctors of various ages 30, 39 and All 3 were VERY self-absorbed. I'm in my late 20s and was mid-late 20s while I was with these guys. They were all flaky.

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